LooneyC

That reminds me

2005-11-16T19:21:00.000+10:00

Speaking of priapism's and Red Dwarf I was watching some episodes recently and decided that Chloe who plays Kristine Kochanski is somewhat visually stimulating, and figured that was a good excuse for a GGP (Gratuitous Girl Pic)

Dumb Fuck of the week (3)

2005-11-16T19:14:00.000+10:00

Okay so the rioting in France was caused by Polygamy?

Next they will be blaming it on masturbation and Acne Cream.

Seems that stupidity is something in ready supply in the French Government, but this one still doesn't beat the foreign Minister Douste-Blazy asking where all the English Jews were deported to during a recent visit to Jerusalem's Yad Vashem Holocaust memorial.

quoted by the French satirical magazine Le Canard Enchaine, when shown the maps of the areas where communities had been destroyed, the minister asked whether British Jews had also been murdered....

When tactfully reminded of this, the minister persisted, asking, "Yes, but were no Jews deported from England?"

Tnks http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/638911.html

Send money now, pppleeease

2005-11-14T19:35:00.000+10:00

I only need around 200,000 people to send me a dollar and I really really really need it.

I gotta get me one of these:

Never been a big Merc fan before but these things give me a priapism.

Especially in Black, a major mob car in the making.

This is a special version but I would settle for the CLS500 which is only about $180K.

Intelligent Design - Duh

2005-11-13T19:52:00.000+10:00

Intelligent design my arse.

For millennia human beans have been explaining away that which they do not understand as being caused by a ‘God’.

I mean, how many ‘Gods’ did the ancients have, moon gods, lightening gods, love gods (although they still exist, if you met me you’d understand) you’d think that in the 21st century these morons would sort of understand.

Religion is just for those who essentially lack a little intestinal fortitude, they can’t handle the fact that they are it, they are responsible for their actions and there is no recourse.

They can’t handle the fact that the world is random, it is just pure luck that you don’t get hit by a bus tomorrow buddy.

They also can’t handle the fact that if your dead your dead lights out, any doubters should watch that Red Dwarf episode ‘The Last Day’.

KRYTEN: At 0700 hours tomorrow morning my shutdown disc will be activated and all mental and physical operations will cease.
LISTER: Then what?
KRYTEN: I don't know... maybe I'll get a job as a disc jockey!
LISTER: How can you just lie back and accept it?
KRYTEN: Oh, it's not the end for me, sir, it's just the beginning. I
have served my human masters, now I can look forward to my reward in silicon heaven.
LISTER: (Stunned pause.) Silicon _what_?
KRYTEN: Surely you've heard of silicon heaven?
LISTER: Has it got anything to do with being stuck opposite Bridgette Nielson in a packed lift?
KRYTEN: It's the electronic afterlife! It's the gathering place for the souls of all electronic equipment. Robots, calculators, toasters,
Hairdryers -- it's our final resting place.
LISTER: I don't mean to say anything out of place here, Kryten, but that
is completely whacko, Jacko. There is no such thing as "silicon heaven."
KRYTEN: Then where do all the calculators go?
LISTER: They don't go anywhere! They just die.
KRYTEN: Surely you believe that god is in all things? Aren't you a pantheist? LISTER: Yeah, but I just don't think it applies to kitchen utensils. I'm not a _frying_ pantheist! Machines do not have souls. Computers and calculators do not have an afterlife. You don't get hairdryers with tiny little wings, sitting on clouds and playing harps!
KRYTEN: But of course you do! For is it not written in the Electronic
Bible, "The iron shall lie down with the lamp?" Well, it's common sense, sir. If there were no afterlife to look forward to, why on
Earth would machines spend the whole of their lifes serving mankind?
Now that would be really dumb!
LISTER: (Quietly) That makes sense. Yeah. Silicon heaven.
KRYTEN: Don't be sad, Mr David. I am going to a far, far better place.
LISTER: Just out of interest: Is silicon heaven the same place as human heaven?
KRYTEN: Human heaven? Goodness me! Humans don't go to heaven! No, someone made that up to prevent you all from going nuts!

So I only have a few questions for these intelligent design types, how do you explain:-

1/ The fact that Dogs feel the need to lick their own Arses?
2/ The fact that we have to eat other living things (and therefore inflict great pain and suffering on them in the process) to survive?
3/ Sex

You mean to tell me that some ‘supreme being’ some ultra intelligent source sat down one Sunday afternoon and thought that up.

Well all I can say is that they did a shit house job.

I mean why have dogs in the first place they are just a pain in the arse, if you where going to design something why not make all living creatures live off hydrogen instead of having to eat everything else and shit up a storm thus polluting everything?

And sex, come on, are you seriously trying to tell me someone or something planned it like that? If it was done properly you’d be able to get all the pleasure and gene sharing and everything done by touching finger tips, none of the mess, none of the sweat and certainly no stupid looking appendages, and most importantly you’d be able to do it in public without having to take your clothes off.

Turtle in coffee - isolated incident!

2005-11-13T19:14:00.000+10:00

No way, I'm always finding Turtles in my coffee, I mean I am I the only one with this problem.

Turtles like coffee don't they?

How else do you explain my continual Turtle infestations?

This must be part of some right wing conspiracy it's gotta be Bush's fault, he's caused everything else, it's an orchestrated cover up for sure,

That reminds me, bought some coffee today better go and check for turtles.....

Why men should prefer Guns over Women

2005-10-31T20:09:00.000+10:00

Top 10 Reasons why Men should prefer Guns over Women...

10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

9. You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

8. If you admire a friend's handgun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

7. Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you keep another handgun for a backup.

6. Your handgun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

5. A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

4. Handguns function normally every day of the month.

3. A handgun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

2. A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the number one reason a handgun is favored over a woman

1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A HANDGUN.

Hang Tough

2005-10-31T19:40:00.000+10:00

I’ve got that parallel universe sort of feeling again.

Beasley reckons the terrorist act just isn’t tough enough and his side kicks Swan and Tanner reckon we need a max tax rate of 30%.

Far out if they can keep this up for more than a week I might start taking them seriously.

Might....

Amazing what people will pay for

2005-10-29T15:55:00.000+10:00

So how much would you pay to have sex with her?

This woman (I use the term loosely) was arrested for prostitution in St Paul, which is in the US of A.

A new trend in the US is to put photos of those arrested for prostitution on the net, which gives us some pretty damn scary pictures, I mean that woman above doesn’t need to be a prostitution she could get a job in Hollywood, how many Zombie movies do they make a year?

Where as this one from here just looks like a man,

Speaking of men in Chicago they put up the photos of those soliciting too, what a sorry looking bunch of loosers.

If you need it that bad just go to the local night clubs an hour before closing time and hit on a few drunk fat chicks, it's legal and you might even get an attractive one!

My lips are tingling

2005-10-16T18:38:00.000+10:00

It rained today, I mean all day, which is great God knows that we need the rain, but did it have to be today?

Any other Sunday I wouldn’t have cared but today I had scheduled some serious Father Son bonding time and was looking forward to it like a night with the Olsen Twins, (okay so I’m sick what are you gunna do) but it was attending an outside event that because of the fact that it was absolutely pissing down was cancelled.

Needless to say I was somewhat bummed.

So I did what I would normally do I a rainy day, I worked.

But I decided to coincide this with the continuation of my quest to make the perfect cup of coffee and to assist the Cuban economy by firing up and burning my through my collection of Punch Habana’s, hence the tingling lips.

Now that it’s getting late I though I’d better stop the coffee so switched to vodka instead, I got my family to buy the max duty free allowance of 42Below at duty free so now I have a cupboard full of it so that is a problem that needs to rectified.

Wow

2005-10-16T17:45:00.000+10:00

Wow, 95 profile views, someone must be reading my Blogg, one of these days I’ll get around to putting a hit counter on it, and finishing it in general.

I suppose actually Blogging once and a while wouldn’t hurt either, but as I worked out the other day I’m trying to run about 6 companies at once which as you can imagine does make LooneyC a very dull boy, all work and no play and all that.

When I get a spare moment the thought that runs through my head tends to be ‘what work should I be doing now?’ rather than lets write in the Blogg, see a movie get a life etc.

In order to be fiscally responsible I had to trim the workforce a bit recently too which has only increased my work load but hey that’s why I get paid the big bucks, oh that’s right………….

Hypnosis helps sleep-walking lawyer

2005-09-26T18:55:00.000+10:00

Okay so the hypnosis stopped her beating up her husband in her sleep, anyone try to see if they can stop her robbing people blind while she’s awake?

Then we can see if all Lawyers can be treated?

Petrol crisis cuts deep

2005-09-24T18:00:00.000+10:00

You know things are bad when even superheroes are having to cut back.

Dumb Fuck of the week

2005-09-24T17:50:00.000+10:00

As always there was a lot of competition but the winner has to be the retards that accidentally killed their six year old daughter by giving her methadone instead of cough medicine.

As if having two litres of the stuff in a house full of kids wasn’t bad enough the absolute moron kept some in a bottle of Dimetapp, kiddies cough mixture.

Words fail me, really here’s the taped phone conversation, no really:

"How could you put methadone in a Dimetapp bottle? They look the same you dumb shit," Austin allegedly said.

He replied: "I know."

Only shame is that the wrong person drank it.

I'm so excited

2005-09-20T22:20:00.000+10:00

Woo hoo, ‘petrol u turn saves four cents a tank’!

Four Cents a tank, I suppose if you fill up five times a week that’s 20 cents, wow.

For gods sake who writes this crap.

So the Gummint says it’s going to drop it’s planned .06 cent excise increase, because the people wouldn’t stand for it, you know that extra 4 cents a tank is a killer, you know we won’t be able to feed the children.

The plan to increase the excise was implemented when petrol was around 50-60 cents so now the big hearted gummint has decided to be generous and fund the 70 mill itself.

Noooor, what a nice bunch of guys.

But hang on a minute a .06 cent (that’s not 6 cents but 6% of a cent) divided by 70 mill gives me 1,166,666,666 litres of fuel, man that’s a lot of dinosaurs, but anyways let’s do some math.

If the price of petrol has gone from say 55 cents to 130 cents that is roughly a 130% increase, oh looky here I guess that means that the GST received by the government has gone up by 130%?

So the GST has gone up from 5 cents to 11.8 cents so that is an extra 6.8 cents per litre, hmmmm by a billion litres give or take a hundred mill?

Yep and extra $793,333,333 in GST revenue, better be fair and subtract the 70 mill so the gummint gets and extra SEVEN HUNDRED AND TWENTY THREE MILLION DOLLARS!

Raising the excise hardly seems worth the effort?

Out of the mouths of

2005-09-13T17:56:00.000+10:00

What was with last week, was it pollie make a stupid comment week? Even Howard got in on the act, normally it’s just shithead.

1/ Howard, or Jackboot Johnny as my esteemed elder likes to call him, said that the it was the job of the Directors of Telstra to talk up the Companies prospects.

Now I dunno if he chose his words wrong but my first thought when I heard that was that’s illegal you dunderhead.

But hey what would the pollies know, they just pass the laws in the first place?

2/ Then if he hadn’t already had me wondering about his lapse of sanity he said employers should cut their employees some slack if they stayed up late watching the cricket.

Sure just so long as I can cut their pay by the same amount at their decrease in productivity? Or even better give out their home or mobile number to a customer who complains about slow service.

Don’t have a problem with it then Johnny old mate.

But of course for the most dumb arse comments we still have to go to old shit head, who by the way is looking increasing concerned with the fact that even the President of Mali gets on Australian TV more than him and as such is coming up with more and more ridiculous statements to attract attention.

It’s only a matter of time before he starts wearing a leopard skin leotard.

Anyways, stupid comment number one, his suggestion that the Members of the Australian defence force stationed in the US along with consular officials should ignore American instructions and just go into New Orleans, because if the Media can go…

Good plan Stan, the Media go because they are the Media they have a pass they are permitted to go, personally I reckon we should have sent the whole ready reaction force that really would have helped.

Maybe the dopey sods who defied and evacuation order should get their own dumb arses out?

And the second comment, that “Australia was being held to ransom by the middle east”, over oil of course, you dipshit, it’s called market forces, the oil traders are in New York and Singapore not the fucking middle east and the biggest problem is that China is buying all the bloody stuff, sod all to do with the middle east, what a drop kick.

So Australian companies should sell their oil to Australian refineries etc at below market rates? Sounds a lot like nationalism to me, reds under the bed, reds under the bed………….

Feeling Kinda good right now

2005-09-11T18:47:00.000+10:00

To hell with the three R’s I’m going with the three C’s.

Codeine
Coke and
Cuban’s.

And I’m not talking Latinos either.

And the real beauty, all perfectly legal.(in Australia anyway, as far as the Cuban's are concerned, but I'll save that for another blogg when I'm Compos-mentis)

I suppose that I have previously pointed out that the majority of the worlds good things start with the letter C?

I mean apart from the above we have Cash, Credit, Cars, Chicks, Cocaine, Capitalism, Cunnilingus and of course Computers without which we wouldn’t have this fabulous internet thingy.

UPDATE: Forgot Chocolate, fancy forgetting that.

Computers are great until...

2005-09-04T18:49:00.000+10:00

Spent the best part of last weekend and this week attempting to trouble shoot, repair and then eventually rebuild the server at work.

Last Friday it basically ground to a halt as far as the SQL databases were concerned, why, beats the crap out of me, had a couple of power outages lately which outlasted the UPS and I was not in the office to shut it down, perhaps something got corrupted.

But I just wish I had bitten the bullet and opted to rebuild the bloody thing last Friday would have saved me all Saturday trouble shooting, all Sunday doing a repair and then all Monday giving up, blowing away the hard drive and starting again.

Hence the lack of posts.

Life is to short for this shit.

Talking of computers I never cease to be amazed how well they respond to percussive maintenance.

Place I worked in Sydney had a dodgy laptop HD was on the way out and they had basically decided to replace it so with nothing to loose I whacked it good and hard on the back of the case, what do you know worked fine for another couple of months, and when it stopped, yep you guessed it another good slap on the behind and away she went again, ten months later when I left it was still working fine.

Actually sounds like a woman I used to know.

I'm flabbergasted!

2005-08-22T18:50:00.000+10:00

Okay just how much publicity does it take?

How many have to be arrested, sentenced to death, sodomised with a pitch forks, (with apologies to Black Adder) or whatever it is they do to jaywalkers over there in Indonesia.

How many newspaper articles, news leaders and current affairs exposés before these fucking morons realise that drugs and Bali are not a good combo?

I mean come on people….

UPDATE:

Go figure yet another cognitively challenged Australian, this time dealing drugs in Indonesia!Now can you really get much dumber than that?

Student Unionism - Times they are a changin

2005-08-14T11:26:00.000+10:00

These student unions have bought it on themselves, just like Tasmanian Potato farmers, many have been to slow to see the writing on the wall.

With the continuing public support and re-election of successive Liberal Governments it was only a matter of time before the Government was successful in its efforts to enact VSU.

Years ago they should’ve given themselves a make over, I mean stop calling yourselves student unions for fucks sake, talk about creating misconceptions and waving the preverbal at the bull.

Spending significant amounts of Union funds protesting against the One Nation Party and Pauline Hanson as many did was not a good look either.

Perception and marketing is everything no matter what your cause. You are going to be behind the eight ball from the beginning by calling yourself a ‘student union’ and gallivanting around in ‘Che’ T-shirts, not if you want the public’s support anyway.

Why not change the name to The Student Support and Facilities Club, something warm and fuzzy; especially as that it really what they are about.

And if I was the Government and was trying to deal with this growing furore, I would simply allow the continuation of compulsory Student Unions but make it illegal for party political evolvement, or for funds to be spend on anything other than university related activities.

Decisions decisions

2005-08-09T17:55:00.000+10:00

Now would you rather have a BMW, or a Holden at twice the price?

Seems like a no brainer to me, how about you?

Well the Gummint didn’t have any problem making a decision either but they took the bloody Holdens!

Now I’m all in favour of buying Australian, in fact I’d buy one tomorrow if I could find a cute one for the right price, sorry, that’s another topic altogether.

But buy Australian if it makes sense! Buying Australian when the alternative is just half the price is just plain nuts. It’s worse when the Australian company(s), in this case Holden and Tenix have never built one before.

Then they wonder why the car is shit!

I know why they did it, because all the little plebs out there would have chucked a nana about the Pollies driving around in Beemers.

I was talking to a cop in a pub in Perth once and he was telling me that BMW offered to supply all the cop cars in WA for less than either the Fords or the Holdens but again the WA gummint wouldn’t do it because everyone would get right pissed off about it.

Bloody voters don’t they realise they are stuffing it up for everyone?

Suppose

2005-08-08T18:36:00.000+10:00

Suppose:

You are the President of the United States.

Scientists have discovered a meteor that is headed towards the earth.

They have calculated that it will strike France in 2 days, at approximately 2:30 A.M.

The meteor is large enough to completely wipe France from the face of the earth forever.

France and the United Nations have requested that the United States send all available ships and aircraft to help evacuate the country.

As the President, you must decide: Do you...

A) Stay up late on the night of the impact to watch the coverage live?
B) Tape it and watch it in the morning?

A fate worse than death

2005-08-08T18:29:00.000+10:00

One of the 'women' in this photo is a not a woman at all, and the answer as to which one will put you off trying to pick up in clubs and pubs for the rest of your life.

And trust me you DON'T want to see the proof!

Not the sharpest tool?

2005-08-07T18:33:00.000+10:00

Italy's top anti-terror policeman today described how officers swooped on Osman in Rome last Friday after pinpointing calls he made on his mobile phone.

Word up to all you wanted terrorists and would be bombers and general scum, when you are on the ‘most wanted’ list it is not a good idea to use your mobile phone, duh.

How good are the terrorism schools anyway?

Thinking about it I guess if your teaching someone to blow themselves up, escape might not figure big time in the curriculum?

KFC beat them to it

2005-08-07T17:01:00.000+10:00

Apparently some gay group in Florida called of all things, Hillary Now has started an ad campaign (unauthorised of course) promoting Hillary for President, but as you can see from the photo below someone beat them to it.

A Man can only tolerate so much

2005-08-07T15:29:00.000+10:00

Neighbours! What are you going to do, I mean there is only so much a man can take.

I manage to cope with being woken up in the dead of night by the beast with two backs, I mean you live in the inner city other people are close, if you’re going to enjoy it that much close the fucking window.

Someone, I haven’t managed to work out who yet burns their toast, not every now and then but every bloody day, if this person can put their underpants on why can’t they cook toast?

And on the subject of cooking, and I know who this one is, makes something that smells so bad that can only be described as putrid, if I am unfortunate enough to venture un-expectantly into the stairwell when this concoction is being brewed up I get visions of a truck load of sweat soaked jock straps, several week old sheep’s carcasses and a litre of used engine oil, I swear to God one day I am going to throw up.

I also have to put up with one of the neighbours walking around naked all the time, this seriously effects my concentration as she is rather nubile.

But today I feel I have reached breaking point, a crime Ladies and Gentlemen that I am sure breaks the Geneva Convention, and if it doesn’t it bloody well should, and what could this heinous crime be you ask?

Country music, two words to strike fear into the heart of any sane individual, country music is like pleasuring yourself with a baseball bat, something definitely best kept within the confines of your own home, not blasted out at 4000 watts.

I mean who really gives a flying fuck if your dog’s left you for another man, your Ute’s died and your wife has blown a head gasket?

And anyway don’t they know how dangerous it is?

When Gundlach and Stack tallied suicide rates in 49 large metropolitan areas, they found that the rates went up in sync with the proportion of radio air time devoted to country music.

Okay I'm confused

2005-08-02T22:09:00.000+10:00

While I’m on the whole IR thing.

On one hand we have Pedro saying this on Radio Nationals PM program:

PETER BEATTIE: They want to bludgeon us, they want to take a heavy axe to our head… they'll be taking an axe to the heads of ordinary Australian families, that's what they'll do, and this makes it that much more difficult and they will have to actually legislate away the rights of Queensland families.

And then there is this:

"Cost structures in Sydney and Melbourne are higher than ours . . . meaning that over a long period of time that employees under state awards are paid less than those under federal awards," Mr Beattie said.

So just so that I understand this, being paid more is some sort of breach of my rights?

Hmmm, now I understand completely.

Did I hear a pin drop?

2005-08-02T19:11:00.000+10:00

Why?

When there is such gnashing of teeth and legal challenges by the unions et al over the Fed’s advertising campaign promoting their new IR reforms, you know waste of tax payer’s money etc.

Why don’t we hear those same complaints about the money the Queensland Government is spending saying their system is the best and they are out to protect workers rights?

Vizard - The Question no one seems to be asking...

2005-07-31T19:01:00.000+10:00

And that question is what the fuck was he doing as a director of Telstra in the first place?

The man obviously did not have the abilities to be appointed to the board of what was and still is one of Australia’s most important companies?

Although he did have some commercial lawyer experience it is described as 10 years both here and overseas, he could have spent those 10 years as the office gopher as far as we know.

Was it 10 years advising large corporates or 10 years setting up family trusts to protect the local corner store?

I would guess that he had not done any commercial law work for at least 10 years since his appointment to the Telstra Board, just not good enough. Especially since the corporate world in the late 90's was a very different place to the corporate world in the late 80's.

Where was his public company experience? Where was the Telecommunications experience?

If anyone wants a another reason why the Government should sell out of Telstra, this is it, a fully listed public company Board, or any company Board with decent corporate governance would not have stood for this sort of Cronyism.

Queensland: Perfect one day a dictatorship the next?

2005-07-31T17:52:00.000+10:00

Perhaps we should start calling it Beattieland?

But seriously I think Pedro had no other choice, the majority of members of the Queensland parliament would have trouble running a chook raffle let alone the state.

Even when the fox was appointed as Treasurer someone from the Treasury had to sit down with him for a week and explain what the budget / accounts meant, and he was probably the best we had.

All Pedro had to choose from is a gaggle of bored housewives and failed unionists; effectively he was the only candidate.

The thing that really causes me woe is that I reckon the opposition is worse!

Yet another reason why we just have to get rid of states, there just isn’t enough talented politicians to go around and those with ability go to Canberra where they can actually make a difference.

There that is what Pedro should do, cede all powers to Canberra and retire, problem solved. After all it was a Labour Government that abolished Queensland’s upper house…..

Dont let the facts get in the way of a good story 1056

2005-07-27T19:44:00.000+10:00

I know I should’ve known better than to take journo’s and documentary makers at face value but hey you can’t check the facts every time can you?

With the Space Shuttles successful launch today there was much debate about the debris striking the shuttle etc etc.

This made me cast my mind back to the time of the Columbia disaster and the several documentaries and numerous news items that I have seen/read since, and the relevance given to the piece of foam that caused the damage.

Also there was some consternation about how NASA didn’t take the right action etc etc.

Well what I find interesting is not one of the news items (including the documentaries) stated just how common debris strikes are, now how many do you reckon there has been since they have been launching shuttles?

50? A couple of hundred? A thousand? Nope, 15,000 strikes yep 15,000.

Kind of puts things back into prospective don’t you think?

Coats can be dangerous

2005-07-24T17:17:00.000+10:00

Apparently the fact that he was wearing a big winter coat was one of the reasons that Jean Charles de Menezes was shot by police in London.

All I can say is that I wouldn’t like to be a Goth in London right now.

But seriously as expected all the weenies have come out to say the police are targeting Muslims etc etc.

My simple response is that if you are in a packed street and someone yells stop police (or something similar) you would normally do so it seems pretty silly to me to run from a mob of armed lawmen and then complain when you cop (excuse the pun) a couple or rounds in the chest?

UPDATE: As I expected he did have a reason to run, what with being an illegal alien and all, normal lawabiding citizens do not make a habit of running from the law.

Lack of posts

2005-07-09T11:42:00.000+10:00

Due to me being sicker than a dead dog on a Tuesday.. whatever that means

Favourite Insult Words - Number 14

2005-06-13T12:39:00.000+10:00

Onanist

An individual that practices Onanism. A Masturbator.

So what we have folks is a lovely highbrow way to call someone a wanker.

The word comes from the Bible or some other such fable and specifically derived from some guy called Onan who was the son of some important sort of dude called Judah.

Anyways the ‘story’ goes that when Judah’s first son ceased to breath, Judah called on his second son to make an honest woman of said first sons wife which he was happy to do so but the thought of having kids with his brothers wife kind of freaked poor Onan out so he practiced a little colitis interruptus, (Gotta love the Latin)

Therefore practicing Colitis interruptus (otherwise known as the withdrawal method) causes one to spill their seed which apparently is a sin, go figure.

Time Really Does Fly

2005-06-13T11:39:00.000+10:00

Last post 29th of May, holly crap, this is what happens when your mother and sister, no not your mother and sister, my mother and sister come to stay, well mother and daughter have returned to the land of the long cold wet dark and generally miserable cloud, so things are slowing returning to normal.

This means I can go back to saying fuck in the house, walking around in my underpants, vigorously paying out on progressive moonbats and my all time favourite, talking up nuclear power stations.

Über Word

2005-05-29T17:21:00.000+10:00

Now if your like me, and have this word fixation, which lets face it you probably do not, you have been watching the increasing prevalence of the über word/pre-fix.

And again if your like me, which again, unless you had some sort of deprived childhood you most likely aren’t, you’ve been wondering what the hell it means.

Well I could stand it no longer I had to find out, exciting life I lead hey! Anyways, it appears that the word, like many English words before it, is plundered from German and then changed a bit so that it can make the English language more confusing.

As far as I can tell in German it means above or over and when used as a prefix means super, sort of anyways, so Übermensch means a human being with special abilities.

Well if that didn’t keep you enthralled it probably means that you are either perfectly sane, or have a life or both.

Oh and by the way it’s pronounced oooh-buer.

It suddenly occurred to me, over, über, geezz now I gotta find out if they are the same word.

I’ll have an etymology book for my birthday thanks.

Shockingly Dumb

2005-05-28T21:52:00.000+10:00

While the Queensland Government talks about banning electric hot water cylinders to save electricity and forcing new home buyers into more expensive, less reliable systems the government run power companies are encouraging customers to install air conditioners?

And it gets stupider, you knew it would, Queensland Energy Minister John Mickel states that for every average air conditioner added to a QLD home it costs the QLD power generation network $13,000 in generation, transmission and distribution!

So why isn’t the government making it difficult to buy and install an air conditioner as opposed to the rhetoric on Hot Water Systems?

I suppose I am expecting too much, if this government takes years to work out one of it's departments is killing people how long will it take them to work out another is selling airconditioners?

And I guess I shouldn’t expect too much, it is the Labour Party after all, I should just be happy that they haven’t nationalised the banks.

You know you're on the Gold Coast when

2005-05-25T20:46:00.000+10:00

Your dentist has a wine list.

M.I.A.A

2005-05-25T20:42:00.000+10:00

Thats Missing in Action Again.

If you are lamenting the deficiency of witty tête-à-tête of late, I apologise, and drag out that old work excuse again, and add to it that I have family coming to stay so have been trying to get more work done in advance.

If you are more concerned with a lack of wit generally you can f off and read Margo Kingstons web diary.

Whats all the Rau about?

2005-05-25T20:32:00.000+10:00

So Cornelia ‘I’m not nuts’ Rau, reckons she had a reason for wondering around the desert like some half crazed doped up hippy, apparently she had a reason for pretending to be someone else too, and let face it if I was Cornelia, I’d pretend to be someone else as well.

And she might have had me to, with the whole sane thing that is, not had me literately, she’d have to kill me first, but anyway I digress, the sane thing, that’s right.

Almost had me with that until she said she voted Green, I mean seriously how did any of the Jurno’s keep a straight face at the press conference when she dropped that clanger?

I guess they must get the practice listening to Beazley?

And let’s face it if she is perfectly sane, that must mean she was at the Hotel Villawood voluntarily, if all your marbles were present and accounted for and you found yourself at Villawood, what would you do?

Maybe she liked the food? I reckon if she persists with this farce of insisting that she was all there then the Government should say, “Oh so you stayed with us cause you wanted too?” and then send her a bill, couple of hundred a day should suffice.

And all this angst about the Department of immigration, what a load of crap, the immigration Department is designed to keep sane, if a little desperate, people out of the country not to keep Looney’s who are trying to get out, in!

Well that happened sooner than I thought

2005-05-18T19:56:00.000+10:00

Bought a Dell bout eight months ago, came with a gig of RAM, awesome I thought, never run out of that I thought........

Man I still remember when I thought a Commodore 64 was the ducks guts, the 64 had'a MOS 6510 processor and 64 KB of RAM which was quite unusually large"

Oh, so we're still on that stolen election thing?

2005-05-14T19:38:00.000+10:00

I guess some people are going to take it to their graves,some earlier than others.

But seriously, enough already, you lost get over it.

So now we have Bushs low popularity as further proof of a big election rort.

According to Demorat John H. Conyers Jr in the Chicago Defender:

the continued disregard of the most obvious explanation for these low poll numbers by the mainstream media. They wonder: how can a President, just re-elected, have such low poll numbers and hold positions on the issues that are so unpopular? Is he already a lame duck? Better questions: was he just re-elected legitimately, or was voter suppression and machine malfunction or malfeasance used to manipulate election results? In other words, maybe these polls, rather than our broken election system, better reflect the true will of the people.

No buddy, everyone, including you, are ignoring one of the most obvious explanations for the difference, and that is only 60% of the population voted, so perhaps your news survey is more representative of the entire population?

Now I know there will be statisticphiles out there who will foam at the mouth and blubber on about sample sizes and the like, but hey we are talking about the most obvious explanation.

And I would counter that the sample of the population in the actual election is going to be skewed and unrepresentative.

Lets face it if you dont vote you probably have the shits with the whole government thing anyways. So when a pollster comes by and says, Hey, whata yah think of the President/Government? They say they think it sucks. Especially if they are likely to lose some handout.

40% is a lot of a population to exclude from participation in a sample, my argument being on the day of the vote more Bush supports got of their arse and voted than Kerry supporters, that is perhaps the majority of the 40% who didn't vote would not have supported Bush, hence the difference between the polls and the election result?

Arguably a statically improbability, but I reckon still more likely than what the Demorats want to believe.

The other thing is that the election was not a popularity contest it was a choice, that choice being between Bush and Kerry, and lets face it the demorats were hardly backing a winner with Kerry, were they?

Personally I think Kerry lost an unlosable election don't blame voting irregularities blame yourselves and your choice of candidate.

You know you're on the Gold Coast when

2005-05-12T19:39:00.000+10:00

You are standing in the court house watching the comings and goings (I was there for a reason, and no it had nothing to do with 15 year olds) and in walks a girl with her dog in her handbag, all so very Paris Hilton.

Crisis what crisis?

2005-05-12T19:19:00.000+10:00

When you can keep your head when all about you are loosing theirs maybe your not a journalist?

Let’s face it that’s all this latest so called leadership crisis down at the Liberal party is nothing more than a press gallery wet dream.

And it all stems from this little comment by Howard, “Yes. I hope so. Try.”

Was this question in response to a question about his staying on as PM? No it was a hypothetical answer to this hypothetical question:

“You reckon you could best him [Fat Boy] three times?

More from Andrew Bolt.

But I would say that there is a distinct possibility that he was trying to prevent himself coming off as arrogant rather than making a comment about staying on as Liberal Leader and PM.

But hey that doesn’t sell papers does it?

And then there is a discussion between Laurie Oaks and Costello on
Sunday part of which was:

PETER COSTELLO: Well, Laurie, these leadership questions which you ask, and you're entitled to ask, come up not because of anything I've said. The issue came up last weekend. It wasn't my timing. It didn't suit me. And once it comes up, of course, every journalist in Australia wants to and is entitled to ask questions. But I can only give you the answers that I do. My view is — always has been — that the future of the Liberal Party will be stronger if the Liberal Party can organise these things in a mature way. That's my view. You're only asking me these questions because they were put on the agenda last weekend, and not by me.

LAURIE OAKES: But why now? Why does the Party...

PETER COSTELLO: Why — why was it put on the agenda last week?

LAURIE OAKES: Why do you need a change now? Why not next term?

PETER COSTELLO: Well, I'm not going into timing, Laurie. Because as I said, it's not my decision to raise these issues. It doesn't suit me. I have to deal with them, if you raise them. But I've said my view. I've been very open and candid with people. On the record. On the record. That's my view, and I'm not taking it any further.

Please enlighten me, how exactly does this make a crisis?

Crisis’s sell papers but also I think all this hullabaloo stems from the perception amongst pinko’s (that is the vast majority of Jorno’s and the Labour Party) that Costello is not popular amongst the populous so in some perverse way pushing the leadership change will hurt the government, perhaps it was timed to take the gloss off the budget, then again, probably just to sell papers.

Nooor, It's just not fair

2005-05-11T19:31:00.000+10:00

It’s just not fair, no not the budget that’s perfectly fair, (although it doesn’t go far enough for making taxes fair) what’s not fair is that we have to put up with all these limpwristed windbags complaining that it’s not fair.

With the big daddy of limpwristed windbags leading the charge.

Let’s get this clear given that Labour is opposing the tax cuts are they saying that it is fair that someone earning less than 1.5 times the average wage pays 47% tax on any additional that they earn?

When someone else may only have to pay 30% or 17% or maybe even 0% on that extra dollar? Especially when it is probable that the person paying the greater tax is actually using less government resources than the person paying a lower percentage?

Surely fair is that everyone that works pays exactly the same tax on any dollar that they earn?

Dictionary.com lists the following Synonyms for fair:

just,equitable, impartial, unprejudiced, unbiased, objective, dispassionate
These adjectives mean free from favouritism, self-interest, or preference in judgment.

I guess that answers the question, IT IS NOT BLOODY FAIR to tax someone more just because they earn more than someone else.

What really would have go me excited is a flat tax rate of 20-25% and an increase in the GST and get rid of every single other tax.

Even better get rid of all of that and have some sort of tax on bank account transactions, then we could get rid of the ATO too, hmmmmm

Wouldn’t that be nice?

PS in the photo Kimbo looks like someone is trying to stick a cucumber up his arse.

Channel 7 rewrites history

2005-05-09T18:09:00.000+10:00

According to Channel Seven news on Sunday night, yesterday was the 60th anniversary of Hitlers surrender.

Funny, I all ways thought that he committed suicide a few days before the surrender, guess I got it wrong.

Recovering Bodies?

2005-05-09T17:18:00.000+10:00

Here's the heads up to the news rooms around the country there are not any bodies left to recover.

When your Metroliner, or flying pencil as it is affectionately known by aircraft types, flies into the cumulus Granite (mountains for those non flying types) at 300+ KPH there is nothing left of the passengers.

I mean, think about it, there is hardly anything left of the plane and that was made of steel, what do you think something make of soft tissue like us humans is going to look like?

In fact we dont look like anything we disintegrate!

The skin was not designed to hold in our internal mass at the absolutely massive G forces generated in an accident of this type so you just disintegrate, cool hey.

In a car accident 50KPH is enough to cause death so try multiplying that by 500 or 600%!

The force is such that your rib cage and skin cannot withhold your internal organs and they burst forth from you, your skin and bone and everything vaporised!

Think of it as kind of like being put in a big blender mixed up a bit and the sprayed around an area of a few hundred square meters, ready made fertilizer!

Just thought that I'd share that with you to help calm your nerves for the next time you get on a plane, happy flying everyone!

UPDATE: (cool my first update!)
The first chopper pilot on the scene said that "the plane stopped in it's own length", now that is serious deceleration!

Another one bites the dust

2005-05-02T19:01:00.000+10:00

Well Rivkin finally managed it and the ranks of those bad boys of business are slowly thinning out.

Like Rodney Adler et al he really was part of a by gone era, the business world has changed a lot since the 80’s no longer is it the days of anything goes which typified and disappeared with that decade.

I know that there were plenty of scandals and or corporate collapses since, but now days you just don’t get away with even the littlest things, like insider trading 50,000 Qantas shares.

In a perverse and small way I almost feel sorry for these guys. Why? Because they don’t even realize that they have done something wrong, they just don’t understand.

Rodney Adler certainly didn’t understand, describing his sentence as the equivalent of being sent to his room, Rene certainly couldn’t grasp it either here’s what he had to say about his insider trading conviction on Enough Rope.

Andrew Denton: Why would you in a situation like that show the court such scant regard?

Rene Rivkin: Look what is scant regard. I want to tell you something. You see in the 1870s juries convicted people of being witches, does that mean I have to believe that witches exist? Then of course you've got people who have been executed and then found to be innocent later. So I don't' hold anyone in scant regard. I just know that's it's a gross error that's been committed against me.

Doesn’t really seem like someone who’s seen the error of his ways.

Given that ASIC is going to be continuing it’s investigation into the whole Offset Alpine issue I think we will soon see what else some of the boys including Rene had been up to, and God only know who they will shake out of that particular tree.

The pressure from that on going investigation plus the fact that he was now persona non grata in the business community and could no longer play in his beloved stock market (after being banned by ASIC) was obviously all a bit to much.

Personally I lost a lot of faith when it came out that he was telling subscribers to his stock tip sheet to buy a stock when he was selling it, again he couldn’t see anything wrong with that!

Essentially the problem is that you can’t ‘teach’ ethics and morals and that is why company directors and the like are now going to jail, because the only way to make people get it is through fear and punishment.

Lucky Bastard

2005-05-02T11:45:00.000+10:00

Lets face it, no matter what we think of Tom Cruise and his acting ability, or lack there of, he has had some pretty damn hot women, Penelope aside (sorry to all you Latino lovers out there).
Anyone who knows me should know that Nicole is obviously my favourite but apparently he has now hooked up with Katie Holmes, what can I say a lucky bastard, more importantly I can use this as an excuse to put a girly picture up, just so no one can accuse me of doing so gratuitously.

And look if you’re one of those PC wankers I’m sure she has a lovely personality and the brains of Einstein, but since we’ll probably never know (one can always dream) we are going to settle for a picture, okay.

Who Killed Laura Palmer?

2005-05-02T11:27:00.000+10:00

Look I admit it I never watched Twin Peaks, I know this makes me some sort of freak but I was never one for TV.

But the good news is that it's now on DVD so I can now rectify this egregious blunder.

Being a fan of Mulholland Drive and Blue Velvet I figured I should watch David Lynch’s famous TV series.

Now why am I telling you this? To let you in on some important information, that being, if you tell me, inadvertently or otherwise who did the dastardly deed it will become a case of Who killed You, and trust be the answer will be pretty simple.

Would you give this man a drivers license?

2005-05-01T16:30:00.000+10:00

Surely there has to be some point at which you say, “mate, I really think it would be better if you walked”

Seo Sang-moon passed the academic part of his driver’s licence examination on his 272nd attempt earlier this week.

Since the oral exam was launched, Seo took the test as often as he could, paying about $US1000 in fees along the way. Each failure taught him a little more, and after 271 attempts, he was able to get the minimum score needed to pass the academic test.

Given that he was literate maybe he should have spent the time and money learning to read?

Now this guy has yet to get behind the wheel of a car, I don’t know about you but I don’t think I will be driving in Korea anytime soon

"Driving seems a bit hard. But after trying 271 times to pass the oral exam, what do I have to be afraid of?, " Seo said

You'll soon find out buddy, the first time you do an illegal turn in front of a Semi!

Strine

2005-05-01T10:49:00.000+10:00

If you woke up on Thursday and Australia felt like a better place it was probably cause I got neutralized, sorry make that naturalized on Wednesday.

So now I guess am now 100% natural, hmmm I think I sense a new marketing strategy coming on.

Additionally and might I had somewhat strangely I no longer appear to have that peculiar fascination with sheep, quite extraordinary really.

Major Crisis

2005-04-26T18:41:00.000+10:00

I've run out of Carrots!

Something real good

2005-04-26T18:18:00.000+10:00

Something real good did come from my recent trip to NZ I discovered fucking awesome Vodka, 42 below, I mean Absolute is like horse piss compared to this stuff.

It's smoother than the proverbial after 6 hours sanding with mega fine sandpaper and 59,872 coats of polyurethane, just gives you flavor without burning your tonsils off, although must admit that I don’t actually have any.

It’s not cheap, but worth every cent so if you don’t have the readies I suggest that you sell your body to get some, if your bodies not worth it, try sealing from children has they can’t run very fast.

PS read the whole add.

Rent a German - And Smile

2005-04-25T20:32:00.000+10:00

I know that the German economy is in the toilet but I had no idea things where this bad, ordinary Germans having to hire themselves out on the net.

rentagerman.de offers a wide range of Germans for your personal and social needs. You can select the German of your choice for an exclusive lifetime experience: Imagine to appear with your German at parties, family events, or just hang out with them at the local shopping center. No matter which occasion you choose, you will surely impress your environment by presenting an original German.

But hey I guess if you need someone to help you get your trains running on time?

If you could find someone that knows how to change all six spark plugs on a three litre BMW without having to take the cylinder head off let me know.

Personally I don't reckon it's possible, I think that every Friday night all these BMW engineers sit around and laugh about their little joke on us Anglo's, I think that it's like a rigged Rubicks Cube that can't be done.

Some of the customer comments:

Leila R., 36 (Rio de Janeiro): "I will never forget, when I went to the beach with the German. My friends had a good time, eating chicken with him under the sun of Ipanema beach. Next time, I will buy him a new swimming trouser."

Samantha F., 27 (London): “I had such a lovely evening with the German and my mates: After the pub, we went dancing. My friends were thoroughly impressed by the German moves. I was gobsmacked when the German even cleaned my house the next day, before I was awake! Will definitely rent again.”

Sexual Equality

2005-04-25T20:30:00.000+10:00

At last us men are getting some real sexual equality, am I talking about having women open doors for us or the ability to wear skirts in public, nope something much much better.

Yep now we have our very own syndrome that we can blame for being in a crap mood and biting everyone’s heads off, welcome to

IMS – Irritable Male Syndrome!

Just can’t wait till someone uses this as an legal defence for some heinous crime, personally I might try it next time I get a traffic infringement.

I'll give you art!

2005-04-25T16:03:00.000+10:00

Apparently giving birth is now ‘art’!

A woman has given birth as part of an exhibition in a German art gallery in front of dozens of spectators.

I bet she got a grant too!

Ramune Gele, 27, gave birth to her first child, a healthy baby girl named Audra, in the DNA art gallery in the capital Berlin. The father, 29-year-old musician Winfried Witt, who said before the birth “it’s a gift to humanity, a once in a lifetime thing”,

It’s not a gift to humanity if the kid turns out anything like you, you f’n loon! A once in a lifetime thing, oh how deep, I guess everyone is only born once, but if the mood takes her Ramune could do it many more times, and hey, if she is getting a grant maybe she will.

He called the experience “an existential work of art”.

Johann Novak, manager of the gallery, said the couple wanted to challenge conventional norms. “It’s a bit of test to see if society can cope,” he said.

I think I might go down my local gallery drop my daks and take a huge crap in the foyer, if anyone asks what I am doing I can hold my head up high look them straight in the eye point to the steaming pile on the floor and say…

“it’s an existential work of art”.

And if they get upset I simply say…

“It was a test to see if society can cope, and you failed buddy!”

I would argue that taking a dump is more natural and therefore more ‘existential’ than giving birth.

Firstly both Women AND men do it,

Secondly it is not common for people to need pain killers while taking a dump and

Thirdly I’ve never heard of anyone who died from answering the call of nature.

Lawful wounding

2005-04-25T15:39:00.000+10:00

Caught a bit of the news on the radio this morning and got the tail end of a story about some moron being charged with ‘unlawful wounding’, this leads me to hope that there is a lawful wounding?

I started to think of all the justifiable reasons for wounding; obviously stupidity would have to be the first one:

Judge: “Was the victim being stupid?”
Me: “He/she was acting like a right dickhead”
Judge: “Well then this is easy, Case dismissed!”

Additionally I think there must be many other reasons, being a member of the Labour Party, driving a Hyundai Excel with a spoiler, quoting Chomsky or thinking that cause you drive a Commodore you can drive like Brock all spring to mind.

Public Health Notice - Free Breast Cancer Prevention

2005-04-16T19:40:00.000+10:00

Public Health Notice - Free Breast Cancer Prevention

Just because I am such a caring and selfless kind of guy I am offering to go out of my way to do what I can to help women reduce the risk of Breast Cancer.

And even more amazingly I offer to do so for free*! Yep, free*. Okay provided that I am absolutely not held liable or even responsible for side affects or costs of any kind arising from my treatment®.

It has been proven in many independent studies that having children and having them as young as possible significantly reduces the risk for women of contracting breast cancer.

Although men can also get breast cancer this treatment®, unfortunately, or fortunately depending on whom you are and how you look at it is not effective and not available for the prevention of Breast Cancer in men.

Therefore I am offering to perform treatment® free of charge for any woman between the legal age of consent in their country of residence (provided treatment® complies with local laws and customs, that is, will not result in my copping a bit of a stoning or worse) and twenty one.

For patients between the ages of 21 and 25 the fee will be 50% of the baby bonus or as otherwise arranged all payments must be made in advance. I can assure women that the treatment provided by me has been tested on humans (definitely not on animals) and I have a 100% satisfaction rating on the treatment®. #

Patients over the age of 25 will only be treated® on a case by case basis and can only be accepted for the program after a detailed physical inspection. It is likely that there will be considerable costs associated with treatment® for patients over 25 years of age.

The most effective treatment® will consist of four courses and will be continued until all courses are complete; or the patient reaches 30 years of age, which ever occurs first.

Each course will run for a minimum of nine months and will involve as many individual sessions as are necessary. The number of sessions could be as little as one but based on statistical analysis of past treatment® programs should average about three sessions per course of treatment®.

Given the pricing structure I bring to the attention of all women considering treatment® that the most cost effective way to complete the program is to have the final session of the fourth course before turning 21.

Please leave vital statistics, including head shot, nude photograph and contact details in the comments so I can contact you to facilitate commencement of your treatment®.*

* Subject to facial and body composition suitability requirements.
# 100% satisfaction means there has been no complaint as to the results of the treatment® the statement in no way implies that there is a 100% satisfaction of the performance of the treatment® itself.

Is it safe yet?

2005-04-16T17:55:00.000+10:00

Can watch the news and actually run the risk of getting, errr well, news?

I know the royal wedding happened, I'm pretty sure that old guy with the cape is dead as is that artificially stimulated vegetable in the states but I have not received confirmation that my attempts to have the Michael Jackson issue taken care of have been successful.

I swear if I see that black’n’white freak show limping into court in his PJ’s again I’ll have to go out and maim someone, most likely to be closely associated with programming the news.

The Horth Withperer One for the horse lover

2005-04-15T22:00:00.000+10:00

The Horth Whithperer

A guy calls his buddy the horse rancher and says he's sending a friend over, to look at a horse.
His buddy asks, "How will I recognize him?"

That's easy, he's midget with a speech impediment."

So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.

"A female horth." So he shows him a prized filly. "Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth"?
So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over. "Nith eyeth,
can I thee her earzth"? So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.

"Nith earzth, can I see her mouf"? The rancher is gettin' pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth. "Nice mouf, can I see her twat"?

Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's twat, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.

The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing. "Perhapth I should rephrase that; can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit"?

Sloving The Skills Shortage?

2005-04-15T21:41:00.000+10:00

Can someone please explain to me how getting single mothers back into the work force is going to slove the skills shortage?

Given that most shortages are in the trades I would have thought that getting single mothers back into the workforce would make sod all difference?

Most of the positions where there are skills shortages are paying way above the average wage, so unless the single mum had 5 kids she would, if she had the skills already be better off working?

And lets face it if they have more than 4 or 5 kids they obviously have skills that are in demand, but are they skills Costello is talking about?

The Keep It In Your Pants Award

2005-04-15T21:18:00.000+10:00

Well it’s a quarter of the way through the year already so it is not surprising that we already have two nominations for the inaugural ‘LooneyC – Keep it in your pants award’

The award is for people whose inability to keep it in their pants gets them into trouble or just helps them to make a complete (sorry can’t help myself) dick of themselves.

This can be either literately; ala George Michael or metaphorically, this could be for example like sending love letters to Mike Tyson’s wife, or both.

The first nomination to come to my attention definitely falls into the first category. Although the alleged act did not occur this year it received world wide press when he was charged with indecent exposure in January.

What did he do you ask? Well it seems that Donald Thompson being a Judge and all thought that court was the appropriate place to give his Penis Pump a bit of a workout; unfortunately he did not choose to do so during recess.

It all started to come undone for our Judge with little actual Judgement when other people present in the court being, court reporters, police, lawyers and the like started to hear strange noises.

It was probably the noises described as "like a blood pressure cuff being pumped up" and "strange whooshes" that gave the game away.

But I suspect that it was actually allowing people to see you slumping in your chair with your elbows on your knees using the device as some witnesses have alleged that sealed your fate.

The second nominee is Harry Stonecipher who came out of retirement to head Boeing and “Clean up the house”, to, as quoted by USA today, “…restore Boeing's reputation after ethics scandals that led to the resignation of former CEO…”.

And that’s just dandy but I wouldn’t have thought that having an affair with a fellow staffer was really the best way to go about it, I guess we should be thankful it was a woman?

Hey I’m not disparaging the guy for having a relationship with someone at work I’ve even managed it a couple of times without drama, and sometimes you just have to follow your heart. (If that is actually the organ causing the problem)…

But when you’re married? When you’re the CEO of a massive global public company? Hmmm starting to look a bit on the dodgy side, but when that company hired you to sort shit out after some major scandals and lots of questionable decisions and an apparent lack of ethics? It’s probably not a good idea, right?

How about if that company’s code of conduct includes amongst other things that “ Employees will no engage in conduct or activity that may raise questions as to the company’s honest, impartiality, reputation or otherwise cause embarrassment to the company” Gee this is starting to look like a no brainer, right?

Then imagine if you had made these sorts of comments:

“Without integrity you cannot conduct business successfully,”
“Firing people who lack integrity is good business.”

Imagine you had installed a tough new set of ethical standards and pushed a “Zero Tolerance” policy and encouraged employees to dob in (blow the whistle) on fellow staffers?

Would it seem like a good idea as a married man to have an affair with someone at work? Would it also seem like a good idea to send each other emails over the company email system that contained such graphic sexual content that they were picked up by the companies email filters as porn?

I dunno, but I reckon he really should have kept it in his pants.

Great Qoute

2005-04-10T19:10:00.000+10:00

I was tiding up, actually, I'm still unpacking after moving six months ago!

But anyways found this great qoute:

"The trade of governing has always been monopolised by the most ignorant and the most rascally individulas of mankind". - Thomas Paine

2005-04-10T19:05:00.000+10:00

I just remembered that said I was going to post about the customs processing at Brisbane international.

Now I don’t go overseas that often (maybe once or twice a year) but it seems to me that every time I go through customs at Brisbane there is a massive queue.

I mean that line up to see that dead guy in the Vatican? Not a patch on trying to get through customs at Brisbane, where it seems that they have 4 customs officers to process 6 million travellers.

Honestly they should have been handing out bottled water and had a couple of ambulance crews on standby the queues were that bad. What I can’t figure out is why, they know how many planes are leaving, they probably know how many people are leaving why then can’t they get the number of staff to handle it?

Over half of the booths for customs officers were empty so it’s only an issue of staff, has anyone else had this problem or is it just me?

Quick Joke of the day

2005-04-10T19:01:00.000+10:00

Q: What do women and condoms have in common?

A: If they aren't on your dick they're in your wallet!

Made it back alive

2005-04-10T15:54:00.000+10:00

Yes the dopey Australians have let me back into the country again!

And they have lost their last chance to stop me too, as I become a shitazin this month so there is no way that they can get rid of me after that, except for assassination I suppose?

But seriously

Holiday was uneventful trip over pissed me off for two reasons, firstly Brisbane Customs (see additional post) and my baggage.

No my baggage didn't go missing but I don't pay four times the price of an ordinary ticket for my bags to take longer than that of the plebs, I mean what is the definition of priority anyway? And it's not like I had a camel suit in it or anything?

Normally I'm off the plane and out of the Airport in under 20 mins, this time it took over that just for the damn bags to arrive, much 'annoymnet, on return to Brisbane I was off the plane and getting in a Cab just 13 minutes after stepping through the plane doors, now that is how it should be.

The Weather in NZ was pretty good, only rained a couple of times although I had to breakout the trackie Daks and Hoodie on more than one occasion.

If you are ever considering a trip to NZ, and you aren't going for the skiing I highly recommend that you go in March it is about the only time of the year the weather is close to decent.

Just went for a do nothing break and to catch up with the family, or those of them that bothered to come and see me while I was there.

But as always the thing that really sucks about holidays is coming back to all the work that didn't get done whilst you where away, so better get to it I guess....

M.I.A

2005-03-22T21:38:00.000+10:00

Dunno how much bloggin I'll be able to do over the next couple of weeks as I will be in New Zealand.

If I can find somewhere overthere that has electricity AND the internet I might manage something. That is if my fingers aren't frozen or something.

Been quiet lately, not because I had nothing to say, anyone who knows me, knows I've always got something to say, but have been busy trying to get my work upto date before I went OS.

Dancing with the Stars?

2005-03-17T20:19:00.000+10:00

Perhaps this show should be renamed dumbing down the masses?

I dunno, I'm I just not getting it?

It's bad enough that this show is actually popular, but when Nikki Webster (who looks way hotter as a brunette by the way) gets unceremoniously dumped it's suddenly NEWS.

If Marx where alive today he would be saying that television not religion was the opiate of the masses.

There must be six million more important things happening in the world today that is news that should rank before this DWTS tripe.

There would be hundreds of people a day who loose their shirts in business, investment, crime and the Governments in this country probably wasted umpteen million dollars but is it important, nope, we have to hear about how Nikki was hard done buy.

Apparently channel seven has been overloaded with calls and emails, I'm really worried, these people vote!

I leave my final comment to Nikki herself, ' Who would have thought that a dancing competition could be taken so seriously"? Okay I lied it wasn't my final comment; my final comment is get a life, or maybe a brain.

avalanche of gunfire

2005-03-13T19:30:00.000+10:00

Italian journalist recently shot at in Iraq described the avalanche of gunfire all that I can say is that if this is true the US soldiers need some more weapons training because the car she was travelling in seems remarkably well preserved considering the avalanche of gunfire.

The evil white guy has an excellent comparison with Bonnie and Clyde’s car.

http://www.evilwhiteguy.com/blog/archive/2005/03/08/1646.aspx

Bono for world bank chief

2005-03-13T19:12:00.000+10:00

Please tell me this has to be joke?

And while he's doing that they can get some economist to lead U2?

So we can have a headline 'Milton Freidman to head Irish Mega Band'?

He couldn’t do any worse than the last couple of albums that's for sure, and I bet he doesn't go around in those rediculous sunglasses all the time?

And why is it that when Arnold was running for Governor that every media organisation under the sun was lamenting that someone who was just a movie actor was running and looking like he was going to win, but when a singer is touted as a possible head of the World Bank he is suddenly the best candidate?

Fridayitis?

2005-03-04T19:41:00.000+10:00

Am I the only person in the world that gets Fridayitis?

I have no problem with Mondays, it's a new week, I will achieve much I will win lotto etc.

But Fridays, yuk! Come Friday I look back at the week and realise that I have achieved bugger all, which means I'm going to have to do at least some work on the weekend, uggggh.

Plus after 4 days of dealing with morons, liars, cheats and scumbags I have had enough by Friday morning, each minute of a Friday seems like 10 minutes of a Wednesday to me, even ingesting the greatest gift from God (okay maybe not the greatest but up there okay?) and drug, Coffee in what would normally be electrifying magnitudes has no effect.

I just have to grin and bear it, let the pall of grayness that is Fridays leech through me until home-time comes, then I can crawl home and seek some form of relief be it sleep, alcohol, medicinal or just a good movie.

Relax it’s Saturday tomorrow.

Stupid Punks - two words

2005-02-28T19:58:00.000+10:00

What is it with young punks these days, they aren't tuff enough to take it on the chin any more, if something bad happens to them it's someone else's fault.

These morons in Sydney who are rioting (rioting, please, looks more like a five year olds hissy fit) cause their mate was killed trying to evade police in a stolen car, what ever happened to if you can't do the time don't do the crime?

What I would like to know is how the hell is it the cops fault, they were doing their jobs, if you don't want to die in a cop chase then, A/ Stop stealing cars and B/ Stop trying to out run the cops in them, DUH!

Oh and the two words, rubber bullets.

Cows hold grudges

2005-02-28T19:54:00.000+10:00

...cows have a complex mental life in which they bear grudges, nurture friendships and become excited by intellectual challenges, researchers have found.

The mind boggles as to what the cows though of the guy I posted about yesterday!

http://www.rednova.com/news/display/?id=131305

Serious?

2005-02-27T20:55:00.000+10:00

I'll post some insightful comment soon, I promise.

Reason to stay single - Number 4691

2005-02-27T20:49:00.000+10:00

A lover's quarrel took a bizarre twist last night....

after the fight, the couple decided to have sexual relations and he agreed to let Tran tie his arms to the window handle above their bed. That’s when they say Tran pulled out a kitchen knife and severed her boyfriend's xxxxxx (to protect the seamish)...

Police say Tran flushed the penis down the toilet.

Man if you think I'm letting any woman tie me up after that.

There's desperate and then there's desperate (2)

2005-02-27T19:56:00.000+10:00

Hot on the story last month of the man (yeah sorry guys we seem to be a little over represented in these stats) who couldn't resist the beauty of the neighbours canine,

It apparently is not the first time McPhillips has been seen performing disturbing acts with animals

http://www.local6.com/money/2753589/detail.html

we have....

Man Accused of Having Relations With Cows... Harold G. Hart, of Neillsville, allegedly told police that he routinely stopped at a Greenwood farm, usually after bar closing or on trips to strip clubs near Marshfield or Neillsville.

But it's okay because...

he never had sex with animals while maintaining a relationship with his a girlfriend or his wife!

3 sentences, 3 movies

2005-02-27T19:05:00.000+10:00

Okay so three movie reviews in three sentences might be pushing it, especially since I've just wasted one already on this pointless intro, but here goes...

CLOSER - great acting, directing and all that other arty stuff, but I thought that the script/basic idea was only average and the characters were more than a little contrived. Portman's strip tease, although not unenjoyable, (from a bloke’s perspective) was unnecessarily tedious and added nothing to the film.

SIDEWAYS - Great grown ups road trip, hilarious, and I think we all saw people we recognised in the characters, go and see it, hopefully you don't recognise yourself!

MILLION DOLLAR BABY - Awesome a must see for people who like cinema and or movies that make you think and feel, just don't see it if you are feeling suicidal.
Go ahead and see it, make my day! Punk!

Reasons not to be single (1)

2005-02-27T18:36:00.000+10:00

Just about the only reason to watch lost on channel seven. (click on the link above for the high res) Also this is proof that good things can come out of Canada.

It's not bad for a TV mini series but I'm getting nervous, last week they had the wheelchair guy get up and walk, and this is only in the third show!

I mean even if there was some way that a paraplegic could walk again after another accident (the plane crash) I reckon it would take weeks, if not months for the balance and muscle strength to build up, I don't think you would hop up and go hunting wild boar! (Yes this is what actually happened on the show!)

Hopefully it won't get any worse, cause a little Evangeline can only go so far.

Who really gives a shit

2005-02-27T18:12:00.000+10:00

I'm really sick of it, sick of hearing about Michael's sexual desires, whether it's Jackson or George, Charles has some problems with his mother, do I give a flying f*#ck, no! And I'm definately sick of hearing about it.

And just cause some Tasmanian real estate agent spreads her legs for some rich royal guy from the other side of the world she is now has to be news where ever she goes? God help us if she ever farts in public, news readers nationwide will be positively orgasmic!

On the Today show when the latest royal wedding was announced they took the camera to the streets to interview the public, every, and I mean every person said they didn't give a rats arse, great I thought they'll stop talking about it, nope.

More fool me for thinking that sanity would prevail, yep they spent another 15 minutes every hour wanking on about it, ENOUGH ALREADY!

And while I'm venting I don't give a f*%k about the Pope, look I don't wish ill health on anyone, but the guy is delusional.

Apparently God is telling him that his is work in not done, give me a break, he just looks like a sad pathetic old man, give it up already, stand down with dignity while you still can, if the opportunity hasn't gone forever.

What does it actually matter anyway, apart from a lot of weeping cathaloics, his illness doesn't seem to making one bit of difference to the world, not that I can see anyway.

Stop filling the news with this tripe, surely there are things that matter that should be reported, and if not give me stories about fast cars, loose women and cute furry animals, I am sick of it I tell you....

Forget Guns and knives

2005-02-23T19:20:00.000+10:00

It's time to license sausages! Yes Sausages, or perhaps women, both can be extremely dangerous it seems...

A woman attacked a convenience store clerk with a sausage Thursday morning...she picked up a Big Mama Pickled Sausage...

and the rest as they say.

Reason to stay single - Number 4690

2005-02-23T17:49:00.000+10:00

Hell have no fury like a woman scorned?

A British woman was sentenced to two and a half years in jail Thursday for ripping off one of her ex-lover's testicles with her bare hands during a drunken brawl after he refused her sex.

Now that's gotta hurt!

Funny Man - Great Car

2005-02-23T17:10:00.000+10:00

I visited the Times recently for the absolutely hilarious story about the greenpeace invasion of the oil trading floor in London, if you haven't read it you must it is simply the funniest thing that I have read in ages. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2-1487741,00.html

But while I was their found some articles by the motoring journalist Jeremy Clarkson, who amongst other things appears on the great BBC show Top Gear (which BTW the PBL shows in NZ on Prime but not here, why not!).

But anyway given my fond affection for German Cars there is an excellent article on the new Volkswagen GTI, due here in Australia this year, which is great, but the amusing part is the ridicule that he give to the Guardianites.

So if you like my kind of cars and my kind of politics it's well worth the read.

Slack Arse

2005-02-23T16:55:00.000+10:00

Yeah I know, tis been ages since my last blog but I have this problem and it keeps interfering with my life, it's work what I want to know is who the hell invented it in the first place?

Must be part of the big capitalist conspiracy?

I am not making this up!

2005-02-06T19:19:00.000+10:00

Sherry enema kills man

I mean there is dumb and then there is dumb!

What I can't figure out is did they do it as some sort of sexual thing or was it the only way he could get the booze cause he had already fried all his internal organs?

How would the converstation go?

"Hey honey I fancy a drink, can you just stick this Sherry up my arse?"

Follow the link to look at the pictures, it's obvious that the devils water had already killed every brain cell the man was born with, but what's the wife's excuse?

Reason to stay single - Number 4689

2005-02-03T22:45:00.000+10:00

Bride stabs husband a week after honeymoon.

Something to do with flowers apparently!

Economic Heads Up

2005-02-03T20:16:00.000+10:00

Just thought I would let the NSW Treasury know I little secret that I learnt in Grade 10 economics, well okay would’ve learnt if I had done Grade 10 Economics.

And that is a Tax is normally considered a disincentive to consumption, if you’re not sure what that means, it means that if you put a dirty great tax on something where no tax existed before the punters are going to vote with their wallets (and feet) and spend their hard earned cash on something else or somewhere else.

So surprise, surprise after NSW implements the 2.25% vendor duty on investment sales the arse falls out of the residential & Commercial property markets, hmmm, I wonder why this could be?

Strangely enough the Markets in Victoria and Queensland seemed to have picked up somewhat, gees I wonder could be causing this phenomenon?

What was that about those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it? All anyone had to do is look back to Keating’s fabulously successful luxury car tax, how long did that last again?

Interesting Email

2005-02-02T20:14:00.000+10:00

I received this fasinating email today, I’m thinking of offering some sort of prize if someone can tell me what it means?

some authority unlaid narrow. what request wore him successfully? kindly tin spun our collar excepting attack. they became his public kiss outside jewel. safely. your flat taste upon agreement, who rode certain, dry corn. Caitlyn chid our electric arm. i staved Mia when stripped you Mateo! they clothed red food, that sewed politely... under rule wound leaf, basin bought among his selection with cheap increase.

Howard goes up (makes sense)

2005-02-01T20:37:00.000+10:00

while Kimmy three times goes down (see previous post on Kim making a dickhead of himself) in my little opinion ratings.

Howard had an attack of commonsense while in Davos, which of course upset all that bothered to listen, (and judging by the single digit number of attendees at the press conference) it may not have been to many.

Yes Johnny was right the best way to alleviate poverty and spread global wealth is to trade with those third world countries.

The Europeans are intent on tackling the problem their typical bureaucratic way which is to try and deal with the effects of the problem not the actual problem itself.

Sure Debt Forgiveness would be helpful but it’s a bit like pissing in a dark suit, it gives you a nice warm feeling but no one really notices.

Wouldn’t it be better to drop some of your subsidies, (especially agriculture) encourage trade with these nations thereby increasing the economic wealth of the population rather than forgiving the debt of the governments.

Debt forgiveness to Third world Governments just encourages and further entrenches inefficiencies, cronyism, and corruption. It is much better to encourage trade and fund specific infrastructure projects with that aid tied directly to government reforms.

Unlikely to happen though when you consider that the average cow in Europe is paid more than the average African and the French Government has stated that it intends to keep paying to see cows in the countryside of France.

Notice to Police

2005-02-01T20:29:00.000+10:00

You are not going to keep up with an Aston Martin in your poxy Commodore.

Just to state the bleeding obvious

Posting Again?

2005-02-01T20:25:00.000+10:00

Twice in two days, this is getting habit forming.

Maybe I need Psychiatric assistance?

Bleazley goes down

2005-01-31T20:24:00.000+10:00

In my opinion ratings anyway.

How many days has he been in the job and he has already identified himself as a complete tosser!

I mean if all his whining about how Australia should have been giving the US lots of helpful advice to the US, this must be because of the wealth of experience that Australia has in invading foreign countries and enforcing regime change?

Most of it was just stating the bleeding obvious anyway, but to cap it all off on one of the breakfast news shows this morning he suggests that it would be best if the US got out of Iraq as soon as possible and that the US’s position globally would improve.

Somehow Kim I think the US knows this already, surely the US administration is trying to extricate itself from the place as soon as possible, but only when the job is done.

As for improving the US’s position world wide I think that’s crap, it certainly isn’t going to make much of a difference terrorism wise they have already invaded.

If you are among the people that argue that this has increased terrorism or the likelihood of terrorism towards the US I don’t see how a withdrawal especially a premature one would make a lot of difference?

Perhaps Kim meant the US’s relationship with Europe? Dunno if this would make a whole lot of difference either, and a premature withdrawal is likely to create the opposite as it will leave the US open to criticism that it abandoned the country to early.

The European countries that criticised the US for the invasion in the first place could see it for what it really was, liberation, and as these countries are diametrically opposed to the US administration they will continue to complain about US imperialism even if only for the purpose of attempting to stop the decline in their own global importance or simply to foster political support at home.

While I'm at it

2005-01-31T20:05:00.000+10:00

I had the pleasure recently of driving from Sydney to Brisbane, all 10 something hours of it, and it reminded me of one of the most asinine road rules ever.

That rule being the New South Wales requirement that all drivers on provisional plates are not allowed to do over 80 KPH regardless of the posted speed limit.

I guess some lame duck had to come up with something to justify their existence, and I mean 80 is much slower than 100 or 100, so it’s got to be safer right?

If someone can explain to me how it is safer to be trundling along at 20 or 30 clicks below the speed of all the other traffic? All you end up with is a que of cars, semi trailers, mopeds, electric wheelchairs, whatever all trying to overtake with an increasing level of desperation.

At the best of times overtaking on a two lane highway with approaching traffic must be one of the most dangerous things (legality and sanity prevailing) that we have to do whilst driving. Forcing drivers to go slow thereby increasing the frequency of this just seems like complete stupidity to me.

I mean, if someone does not have the driving skills to safely drive at the legal speed limit then they should not have a bloody license in the first place.

Am I famous yet?

2005-01-31T19:53:00.000+10:00

I know, I know I'm hardly likely to set the world on fire by blogging once every fortnight but I think that give it took me over a year to get orgainised a fortnight isn't to bad, I know thats lame, but hey, it is MY blogg so I can make whatever rationalisations I choose!

Global warming, cooling, whatever

2005-01-16T19:34:00.000+10:00

Somebody forgot to tell the folks down in New Zealand that the world is getting hotter!

Now although we are only half way through summer here in Brisbane it can get a tad oppresive and I am already getting sick of it, but as opposed to rain and snow? I think I will keep my whinging to myself!

The Corporation

2005-01-16T18:39:00.000+10:00

SBS have been showing that film The Corporation http://www.thecorporation.com/icon/icon.html and although it does appear that the producers have made more of an attempt to make a 'real documentary' than Mr. Moore I can't help but know that the people behind this film are raving lefties.

By 'real documentary' I am talking about one that fits the Dictionary definition of one. Dictionary.com describes one thus:

1. Consisting of, concerning, or based on documents. or
2. Presenting facts objectively without editorializing or inserting fictional matter, as in a book
or film.

Hence I think we will all agree that Mr. Moore's work (esp. the latest) fails to qualify.

I think that the inherent problem with raving lefties is that utopian belief that the world really can be a wonderful paradise free of capitalism’s injustices, pollution, greed, folly etc etc.

Lefties don’t seem to be able to grasp the fact that all this nasty stuff is caused by Human Behavior not by Capitalism.

Hence I never cease to be amased that people are genuinely surprised about some of the nasty things that companies do.

Or more to the point people don't seem to understand that companies do them because the people that run them do it, they are traits/failures that humans have, that is to say that because companies are run by humans they do human like things albeit hugely magnified due to the enormous difference in size, a large corporation being able to inflict millions of times more harm (in most instances) than an individual.

This then flows to what is the alternative? Given that every organisation whether it is a government department or a corporation is run by people so most of the problems of companies appear in non-corporate entities as well, why? Because all of these organisations are being run by people.

All that seems to happen is that because the other organisations do not have profit motives the issues just manifest themselves differently. For example government departments tend to be very hierarchical and inefficient sometimes to the point of idiocy, just watch an episode of Yes Minister, or even better the recent scandals involving the UN?

My point being that the problem does not lie with Corporations per' se but with people, and how are you going to fix that?

Here’s to infamy

2005-01-16T18:30:00.000+10:00

Well, after a year of thinking about it, months of procrastinating about it and yet even more time thinking about it I finally got around to starting my Blogg.

Why? Who knows why I do anything? I suspect madness is quite likely, not forgetting that I am an opinionated individual (to be polite) and this way I can vent off without the threat of physical harm to my person!

Plus at 36 deg C today it was to damn hot to do anything else!

So here goes nothing....